I hope you all had a Merry Christmas!!!! Mine was wonderful, truly awesome. I have had a lot of time to reflect on the true meaning of today and what it had meant for me in many ways.
I started today off, just me and my mom. My baby brother, his wife and my niece came on their way to his wife’s parents’ house. Then they left and it was just us. At some point we finally realized we needed to eat, so I went and got us food from Waffle House. Then as I left, I thought about my daddy. I think about him every single day…but today was a little rough. I thought about how different my life would be if he were still alive. I miss him so much!! I really do! But there have definitely been some blessings in our lives since God called him home. Prime example, my two nieces. I don’t think they would have been born if my dad were still alive, at least not as soon as they were. And Hod knows how much they have brightened up my life. They have taught me to love in ways I never imagined I could. They hug me and kiss me and look at me with such beauty in their eyes. It has taught me to keep fighting for their futures and to keep that beauty in their eyes. Also, I wouldn’t have gone to law school at all if not as soon, and maybe I would have never left SC to move to New Orleans. I may have gone to California instead of moving back home to SC after college. I wouldn’t have begun seeking healing for all the things that hurt me…and I wouldn’t have met certain people that have been a part of my life, both seasonal and some long term. I have made some life long friendships since then that I really cherish. I would have never left that box I was living in.
My daddy’s death was a catalyst for me. As a believer I trusted God with my healing process. I reached a critical point and got fed up. So I wasn’t passive about it; I went to group therapy sessions, Celebrate Recovery, and counseling. I pursued God more. I genuinely prayed and believed God would heal me, inside and out. And He has done it in some of the most unexpected ways. He taught me that I can love, and love unconditionally. He taught me to trust Him and use discernment instead of trying to figure it out with my 5 senses. He taught me to live life and to live for Him.
In the almost 6 months that I’ve been back in SC, my life has gone topsy turvy. But I can pinpoint the ignition point to various conversations with my daddy, while here and since he has died. While every selfish part of me wishes he was here, I am grateful for the blessings I’ve received since. It’s an amazing thing to see your progress after heartache. I can’t take any credit. I’m grateful for faith, but I’m grateful to God in whom my faith rests. So I share with you, put all your faith in God and you will get there. You will reach the other side, whatever that looks like. You will heal, you will love. You will succeed. You have to decide trust God until you reach the other side and even after that. Beauty awaits you on the other side of your pain. I can’t tell you what it will look like for you, but I will tell you to press through to get there. God is waiting!