This past weekend, God dropped it into my spirit to talk about living a double life.
No, this isn’t me revealing that I am living a double life. LOL! I don’t have a secret family like you would see on a Lifetime movie. But I have lived a double life. So based on what God told me, a double life is when your public life does not match the things that were/are happening privately.
I’ll be honest. I used to do the most and I have made my share of poor choices. I used to drink a whole lot. I used to go party and go to clubs faithfully. I made poor choices in friends and men. I was having sex outside of wedlock and became pregnant. I have mismanaged my money. I have gossipped, judged, criticized and complained. I used to wear skimpy clothes when I went out. I wanted to be married but I was compromising to get there, instead of obeying God. I was praying and encouraging others too though. But publicly, most of the time, all you would see is that I was quoting scriptures, posting encouraging and uplifting messages, and praying for people. That wasn’t enough for God.
See God was changing me. He delivered me from a lot of things over the last 5 years and I know it was only God to deliver me from those desires and now not feel condemned. Honestly, just a few months ago I was still feeling condemned for all the poor choices I made in relationships. I was broken and I allowed that brokenness to dictate who I got into relationships with.
When I heard to write about this, a situation from about 5-6 years ago came to mind. There was a woman at my old job who I considered to be a mentor. There were other people I considered to be friends there that were aware of my calling and they would talk with this woman about me. One day I went to go see her, and during the course of the conversation she asked me if I felt that maybe my friends thought I was a hypocrite for partying with them. Then out of nowhere I felt this burning sensation of knowing that this woman and a specific so-called friend had been discussing me and my actions. This woman acknowledged that God had to take her through a transformation. She mentioned that it took God a year or more to deliver her from going to clubs. I asked her, "don’t you think God would do the same thing for me? He will deliver me in His own time." Later that day, I mentioned what I felt to another friend who confirmed my feelings by sharing that the other person talked about me and this to her a few days earlier.
I felt led to share this because I think sometimes we as believers forget that God works in His own timing for that particular person’s life. This post isn’t to judge you for living whatever may be your "double life". However, if you have hope in your heart, and faith that God can change you and transform you into who He called you to be, it is possible. It is possible to put that old life on the shelf to pick up the new life and promises He has put in your heart for you. Don’t be ashamed of your past. You never know, God can and will use it if you give it to Him.
Alternately, I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you that you have to be purposeful and passionate about changing and fulfilling your purpose. It wasn’t until I asked God to heal me and deliver me from all the pains of the past and help me to grow into the person He wants me to be, that those things actually started happening. Sometimes it’s hard to be intentional about changing, especially if your environment doesn’t change. But if you give God the keys and the control over your life, He can do anything.
So I encourage you today to be honest and transparent with yourself. If you’re comfortable, be transparent with a trusted person who you would consider to be wise, Godly counsel. Come clean about your double life and give God the control to transform you and manifest the great purpose He has planned for your life.