I keep hearing "write" in my head while I’m reading this book through laughs and tears. I don’t think I’ve ever cursed on my blog but darn it Spec (that’s the closest I can get haha)! lol Danielle 😜 This may be my most candid post ever.
Here’s a book review in the process of me reading Sorry for Your Loss: I really am laughing and crying! It’s making me acknowledge my feelings I suppressed all these years. To this day if someone calls me at 4 am I get scared because that’s when my mom called me when my dad began his last few days with us in the hospital. Those 5 days were the most challenging I have ever experienced in my life…I literally felt every emotion known to man. I’ll never forget seeing him take his last breath. I never outwardly was in denial, but I acted out in my own way.
My daddy’s death is what really made me not like people 😅. I cussed a lot of folks out in my head because I had to put on my church face for everybody. I had to be strong and step up, be Captain Save Everybody. People said the most stupid, obtuse, asinine things…including "family", acting like they had been around or cared…and I couldn’t say anything!!! That was the worst…my daddy’s death changed me and made me quiet, something I’ve never been.
I’m still mad my daddy isn’t here to know my son and should I ever get married, that he won’t walk me down the aisle (but God willing my granddaddy will). I’m mad I’m raising my son alone and my daddy isn’t here (although I’m extremely grateful for my granddaddy and my brothers). I’m still mad about the shoddy medical care he received as a veteran. And I was definitely angry with God…specifically at how He could call me into ministry but not heal my daddy and answer my prayers!!! God gave me a second chance at life but not my daddy!! I asked God why He let me live and not my daddy too!!! No answer…until my baby was born. I was jealous of people who had their dads…it felt like it was a hole in my heart. But I later came to understand he was tired, in pain and tired of hurting. I wished I had been a better daughter at times, understood what made him tick sooner…but I am grateful for the time we had and how close we got towards the end.
The irony is that to me, I’m very much like him, down to loving to dance (I dance ALL the time) and holding grudges🤣🤣🤣! God ain’t done with me y’all! LOL My immediate family and close friends know I don’t like many people (such a shame, just being honest though😝. I JUST let go of the fact one of my cousins told my favorite cousin about my daddy dying when it wasn’t her place and I wanted to do it!! But I digress. I’m grateful for this book because I recently prayed that God would bring back my happy memories from my childhood…and I see now the only way to relive the joy is to release the pain — all of it.
I have not read an entire book in one sitting in years but I know that was God’s doing…for me to truly start taking hold of the joy I have before me.
If you’ve ever lost someone you love dearly, this is a great book to read to laugh and cry…thank you Spec for helping me!! ❤️❤️❤️