I wrote this a couple of weeks ago on Easter and I thought I hit send. ARGH. But the words here are still worth sharing.
Some things I felt led to share:
God has really been driving home the significance of His viewpoint of time – kairos – and it’s distinction from the human viewpoint of time – chronos. From Sunday’s sermon at church, what resonated with me was the fact that God operates in moments, not minutes, unlike us. According to Tony Evans’ book Watch Your Mouth, in God yesterday and tomorrow as we see it are not the same; rather they are only today or now, the present (my paraphrase). To me this would explain why when He said let there be light, that stars are still being created in the universe as we know it today. To God it has already happened but for us it is still happening and will continue to happen. Which led me to this:
1. You can only heal the wounds you know you have or are aware of in God’s set time. Said differently, you can’t heal a wound you don’t know you have. In our society we normalize the suppression of pain by telling people to get over things or overlook wrongs without validating their feelings. I honestly believe it’s an improper view of forgiveness to urge a person to move on without walking out the steps of grieving on the perceived wrong’s affect on you. This is also why some people get stuck in acknowledging, i.e., that person hurt me, and then become victims in perpetuity, using every opportunity to bring that situation up and to be inwardly focused. This has other detrimental effects on relationships because that person will possibly unknowingly minimize the suffering of others to maximize their own or make everything about them.
2. Knowing that God is supreme and operates outside the space/time continuum that we live within, if God promised you something and He told you it’s yours, that thing exists. This is also why there is no lack, because everything that is to come already exists. The healing you need, already exists, if we accept Jesus’ act as the conduit for our healing. Of course if you’re broke right now then this may not mean a hill of beans to you, but I recognize now that God wants us to shift how we see time to 1) better steward what we have and make better choices (Godly choices, inspired by divine wisdom) and 2) to not be victims of impatience…Which causes us to worry and doubt God and His ability to provide and can also cause us to rush ahead of God and make even worse choices.
3. All of this is why I heard heavily in prayer to seek God for the right now word. Because God operates outside our timetable, in order for you to be in sync with God you must be seeking God moment by moment to know what His will is for that exact moment. If I’m honest with myself, I wish I was more aware of the freedom that rests in being in His will and timing than desiring my own.
I see why it wasn’t my time to be married…I still have a lot of brokenness from things I endured and God is answering my prayer to be healed so I won’t project that onto my husband and children. Fortunately I also pray daily to be the mother my son needs so I am beyond grateful for the course corrections.