I don’t even know where to begin. I apologize in advance…I know this will be long but I have to get it out. Three years ago God spoke to me about sharing my testimony about being molested. At that point I still cried profusely about what happened to me as a child. It still hurt…in my mind I identified myself by it. It was the shrine of my shame. But God then again prophetically told me it was time to heal from it, right before my birthday. So I began a fast for 21 days after my birthday. Today is day 12. Yesterday was the first day of my going vegan for 10 days and even then I knew God was going to do something in me.
I’ve been doing several things…an Esther purification process that God led me to do back in 2012 for a year and back then it blew my mind how much God loved me to lead me to go through that process of healing and unloading. But this time I knew it was different (it is something I plan to launch in January for other women as a guided process…I’ll elaborate later). I’m on my second six months, and today I began a new anointing oil, frankincense. The first six months I anointed myself daily with the oil of myrrh, which is known for its purifying and pruning properties. I confessed scriptures that aligned with being pruned and purified daily. The first oil of the second six months (see Esther 2:12) was cardamom, which alludes to being spotless, without stain or blemish. When I got that word from God that He was going to completely heal me from being molested, I was in the middle week (7 oils, roughly 3 weeks each oil for the second six months)…and I thought it was so loving of God to help me permanently erase the stain of molestation and sexual abuse from my life. I know it was His plan!!! So when I began the 21 days, I vowed to share a secret from being molested each day to shine the light on sexual abuse and child molestation.
In addition to that process, I began a 40 day journey individually on June 18 and with one of my sister-friends on July 1st to "make miracles" — its not sacrilegious at all, its actually being grateful in all situations and giving God the room to move (comment for more information, you are welcome to join us). Then I also began another study group with several of my friends that has overlapped…so it was today’s reading that I had the breakthrough of all breakthroughs. I felt it was God that nudged me to glance ahead so I could alert my friend to the day we had ahead of us and that I would be there for her and vice versa. Literally as I began reading the entry, a song came on — "Never Be Bound Again" — and I couldn’t stop crying. Towards the end of the reading, another song prophetically declared this is the season for release. And I wish I could explain to you what I felt! Literally everything the person in this entry felt — that was me. I used my pain to help others. I used my pain to motivate others spiritually because it was only God that kept me alive. I felt that while I was able to love others, I was unlovable because I was damaged, and every single thing that happened after that, made me feel less and less worthy of love, more damaged. Being molested changed how I saw everything, how I related to everyone. It completely warped my reality. I’ve recounted some of these things in my videos but I really thank God for today because it was all laid out. I thought I was free before…not like I am right now. Last month’s confession focus was to be blemishless and blameless…today the author pointed out how truly blameless abuse victims are and it gave me so much freedom! The lie I had believed for years had nothing to stand on. I knew God had been doing something in me lately because of the reminders all week long to forgive and having me share what He’s done in me. I felt led to share with all of you my freedom so that you can get your own.
I don’t know what your wound is. Maybe it is something that others inflicted on you like mine was, maybe its something you did to yourself. But I am a LIVING testimony that God will free you. God will save you from your pit. God will pull you up out of the miry clay. He will stop you from living beneath His plan for you. He will separate you from people, attitudes, beliefs, whatever it is that is limiting you because that is just how good and how great God is. He will teach you that you are capable and able to love and receive love. He will heal your broken heart and restore your brokenness. He will teach you to give true love without reservations in whatever way He needs to. There is freedom in Jesus. There is healing in Jesus. There is restoration in Jesus. Don’t let the devil lie to you and water down just how powerful God is. God is love, and love is the most abundant resource in the universe. God will do whatever it takes to make sure you know His love, meeting you right where you are.
I can finally say I’m free. I no longer hold a grudge for what shouldn’t have happened. I am grateful because I am not a victim. I am a victor. God allowed it so that He could get the glory from my life and I wanna make sure other people get free too. Get your freedom today!
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. 2 Corinthians 3:17