In My Right Mind

I wrote this almost three weeks ago. I received confirmation to go forward in sharing the next afternoon, and even again that following Sunday. And today after much prayer, I’m ready to share my secret. The thing that caused me so much pain and confusion and heartache. The thing that controlled me for most of my life…but by God’s grace I am healed and delivered from those things. This topic addresses incest and child molestation. It is something that has crippled so many that walk around in private shame. This is for all of the girls and boys like me, whose lives were forever changed by an act influenced by the spirits of perversion, bondage and lust. These spirits have invaded marriages, families, and the Church, and have been so disruptive that people stop believing because people that are to reflect God instead succumb to the enemy’s attacks against their mind. Today, I challenge you to speak out to begin your healing and to forgive. I challenge you to walk in your deliverance. Because Jesus died, you are delivered!!! In surrendering this and all your hurts, cares, and secret pains to Jesus, the final blow to the enemy’s hold on your life has been delivered.

Sorry for the sermon, lol, but please read on…God bless and I hope it blesses you!

"What is your name?" Jesus asked him." Legion," he said–because many demons had entered him. Luke 8:30

I never thought I would see the day that I would be ready to share this. But I never imagined I would be here in this place either. Tonight I went to church. On the first Sunday night, we have our monthly communion service. I think it was fitting that I went today too, because after the last month, I was in need of remembering the blood of Jesus, why He died, and what He has done for me. But God had a word for me there, even with the distraction of my neighbor taking pictures for Facebook and pictures of herself during the service (she had me take two pictures for her too, lol).

I recognized this text that I had long remembered. For the whole text please read Luke 8:22-39. In the past, I used this passage of scripture as my justification of why I do not eat pork (clearly I occasionally but unintentionally eat it now, because I know its not what I put in my body that makes me unclean, but that what comes out that makes me unclean, so eat on pork eaters! lol). Legion means a very large number. And this man in this passage, was possessed by a very large number of demons, so many that he was not in his right mind, and that he ran about naked, and that he had to be chained and fettered, and that he was found near the tombs, near the dead–the lifeless and the hopeless, dead dreams and visions.

As I listened to the sermon, I realized so many things. I had been battling with some revelations I had recently, but this one rang out clear for me. It dawned on me, I knew what this man felt like.

I knew what it felt like to be crazy. I knew what it felt like to feel lifeless and that there was no hope. I knew what it felt like to be naked–by being naked, I mean exposed and vulnerable as if all your faults were on display for the world to see. I also know what it feels like to be delivered, and to now sit at the feet of Jesus, healed, delivered, and restored, in my right mind, and clothed–covered by the blood of Jesus. So I know you are wondering, what made me crazy? What possessed me that I had a legion of problems to drive me out of sanity?

We all have our crosses to bear. I think I spent so much time carrying mine and trying to bear the crosses of others that when things fell down and the bottom fell out of my life, I was crushed under the pressure. What made me crazy, was when my daddy died because it seemed to pull the scab off of a seeping wound. What cross was I bearing–the pain of being molested as a little girl, among other things. The pain of never talking about it, the guilt it caused, the shame, and the demons that came with it.

I could have been a very different person, and if you want to know who, just look at your nearest street corner to imagine what could have been my fate. I think about how God saved my life as a little girl at a very young age. And I have my mom to thank for that. She made sure my brothers and me were raised in the church. So I met Jesus at a very young age. It was not until I became an adult, and more recently until my father’s death, that the ‘legion of demons’ were cast away from oppressing and tormenting me.

I realize now I’m being vague. How was I crazy? Well, I thought that God didn’t love me for allowing that to happen to me. I thought that God didn’t love me for taking my daddy and my cousin away from me. I thought that God didn’t love me for allowing me to get sick and keeping me alive. I thought that God didn’t love me because I was alone, and that I felt that no one would ever love me because of all my imperfections. Those demons had me bound; seeking love in meaningless relationships out of lust and perversion–the perversity was simply a twisting of God’s word, that I could make someone else love me by doing whatever they wanted instead of yielding to God who already loved me. That legion were the spirits of lust, perversion, and bondage. Because of it, I had a victim mentality and I was very angry too. Angry that no one noticed, angry that I always had to hide it in shame and I was guilty because I hurt people because of my own hurt, and the even sadder fact was that I was oblivious to it or blocked it out. I hurt my family, friends and myself–like the man possessed by Legion did. He was bound for his own safety, but was he really safe?

And when Legion met Jesus, all that changed. He went from being a captive in every sense of the word, to a free man; free to worship, free to praise, and free to walk in God’s covering.

I was freed after my daddy died. Ironic, right? It took my daddy dying for me to be freed. It took me losing him and my cousin, and almost my life, to truly gain life in Christ. Free, to sit at His feet. Freed from that guilt, that shame, that anger. Free to forgive. And now free to love others, and love them all unconditionally.

We all have a legion we are fighting against everyday. But we can only be freed by meeting Jesus. In meeting and accepting Jesus’s gift of salvation, we are reborn–re-clothed in righteousness, healing, and love. Our minds are renewed through daily surrender to Jesus, in our acceptance of His grace and mercy. I can really say I’m in my right mind today. Of course, I have slip ups if I do not renew my mind and guard it since that is how the enemy can take us captive if we are not on guard. I think about how my life has changed dramatically since I met Jesus, since I truly came to know Him for myself. I like this Marquita a whole lot better than the other one. Yes, I still have much work to do but as long as I surrender to God and remain at His feet–in prayer, praise, and worship–I’ll keep making progress.

I share this song with you. My co-pastor is Bishop Paul S. Morton and this song is on his latest album. As I sang along tonight, it gave me peace. I no longer feel bound by that hurt and the myriad of emotions associated with those things. I encourage you right now, that whatever storms you are facing whether it is that legion of problems that is trying to call you out of your position of faith or those demons that are trying to condemn you, to call on the name of Jesus and He will free you. I just realized that the verses where Jesus stills the storm are in the very first few scriptures before the ones pertaining to the demon-possessed man (verses 22-25 I shared above) and this is so perfect here. Call on Jesus to still the storms of your life and to guide you through them. I will not say that it is going be easy, but the beauty of being in your right mind is that you can see clearly and that you can trust Jesus and the freedom that He gives. One of the things that Bishop pointed out was the nature of that man’s community–how they were accepting of his mental state and inherent possession and that they were afraid when he was delivered. Maybe your friends and family will not appreciate what God is doing in your life right now, but if you will simply sit at Jesus’s feet and rest there, He will give you peace and joy there regardless of the storms that surround you. Like that man–no longer Legion–you will be able to return home and rejoice, testifying of the goodness of God that is evident in your life. And that light that you will bear, will change those around you.

I love you guys!

"Return to your house and describe what great things God has done for you." So he went away, proclaiming throughout the whole city what great things Jesus had done for him. Luke 8:39

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