A Lesson from a Child
"Did not He who made me in the womb make him, And the same one fashion us in the womb?" Job 31:15 NASB
Hi everyone!! I know, long time no writings. Jury duty two weeks ago made it virtually impossible for me to write–only because I have not quite mastered writing these in the mornings. But I have spent a lot of time lately thinking about life. Most of my last writings focused on forgiveness. And mainly so because that has been something God has been working on in my life lately. You see, there are a great deal of people that I had not quite forgiven. When I would hear or even see their name, I would wince at the memories of their wrongs to me. But I heard a life-changing view point recently: life for the people who wronged me still goes on. For these people, life has continued with some having new beginnings, new blessings, and new chapters to start in their lives. Whereas, me, I have been stuck in unforgiveness and I have not allowed myself to go on from some of the things; as a result, I have not fully moved forward. Even at the possibility of new relationships, I have shied away from the potential hurt because I have been afraid to trust and thus I have allowed my wounds to fester and not heal.
Then God spoke to me one day as I asked yet again what was I doing to not receive the things I asked Him for. And as clearly as if you were standing next to me and spoke it, I heard that I have unforgiveness in my heart. In the days and weeks that have transpired since, I had the favor of stumbling, literally, upon a great book on unforgiveness. Now I have read on this topic before, and it helped me a great deal last year when I first brushed up on this topic after my dad's death. During that time, I focused on the most prominent offenses I could remember, reaching all the way back to my childhood. I can say that many of those things I no longer remember, having reconciled those things to the past and buried them once and for all, because I now have the wisdom and knowledge I need on those situations to let them go. So on this second go-around, I can move on quickly and possibly help others in the process.
So I prayed and waited as God revealed the contents of my heart towards those people and how they have affected me still. Some infractions have bruised me to the core and allowed me to become fearful in being too deeply involved in other relationships of that nature, where others have only served to be mortar and brick for the wall I already had up against my family. But I go back to the statement above…how these people have gone on with their lives, while I still stayed in that broken place. And no more I say! No more will I allow the enemy to cripple my mind to that powerful gift God gave us through Christ, and that is the ability for forgive.
It is a known fact that there are learned behaviors and innate behaviors. When a infant is born, it instantly trusts its mother. In fact, even if a newborn cannot flat out say, 'that's my mother', it knows her based on her scent and her voice to name a few. It relies on her for very survival. Then as the child grows, he learns to not trust as a result of some action. Example, we don't trust strangers because we are told not to by our parents. We don't trust a faulty scale after it continues to give us the same weight even when we know we have gained weight lol.
What I have learned from this experience, and truthfully in reflecting over the last 3 years, is that we are to automatically trust God and what He says. But it is through these types of experiences, injustices from friends, family, and foe alike, that we become reluctant to trust God or anyone for that matter. It is after we are wronged that we allow unforgiveness to cloud our minds and hearts. We allow that unforgiveness to block from receiving whatever messages God has for us and even more critical, the healing that He holds for our hearts. The enemy's tool effectively keeps us in a time warp, immune to any form of deliverance until we recognize what's going on.
I had to become like a newborn–in the aspect of trusting God. Much like innocent until proven guilty, we are to trust God and others with that same mentality. Although God will not do us like I had to go back to the beginning of why I was hurting and acknowledge the feelings I had. In one situation, I read the emails I sent that person and finally acknowledged how foolish I had felt in loving and trusting them, how I opened my heart and self in obedience to God's call for us to love unconditionally. And instead of it being reciprocated, I was burned and discarded. I realized it was those same feelings that I hoped to avoid in future relationships, which had been crippling me with being open and honest to others. I had to go back and relive the same pains I felt at my dad's death to acknowledge how my family had hurt me with misplaced and inappropriate words to forgive them. I had to be trusting of God that He would not allow me to experience that again, but instead, give me the strength and courage to give it to Him. And now, I ask God to give me the strength to forgive each day, and I also pray for these people. It hurts a little less each day, and hopefully soon it will be completely gone. But it takes us being willing to have that undeniable trust in God–the God that knit us all together in the wombs of our mothers–that He is faithful.
"The LORD is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving." Psalm 28:7 NLT