Are You Resisting God's Will?
"…Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven." Matthew 6:10
Back before my transplant, I had a lot of different emotions. The primary one was that I was in total opposition to a kidney transplant. I was already angry and did not understand why I had to have a transplant in the first place, why I got sick when I had never been sick other than a cold in my life. Then to add misery to it, the options for me were dialysis and a kidney transplant. Having remembered what my uncle went through when he was on dialysis and hearing the horror stories of it, and how people don't live as long a life on it, I was against that. But I initially went to a transplant education class at Emory in 2006 just to go at the instruction of my "good" nephrologist. I was not too enthused by what I heard, primarily at all of the side effects. I was not mature enough in my faith to accept it either. Even up until a few months before, I was still against it. But one day something changed. Of course I was appreciative of what my brother was willing to do for me; but who wants to have an elective surgery that is not a permanent fix? Who wants to endure something physically tasking on their body and run the risk of other infections or illnesses as side effects? Not to mention I was holding on to so much hurt, anger, and bitterness from everything that had happened in my life. But when I first got sick, I prayed for God's healing. Having not seen much change in my kidney function–in fact the change was for the worse–and seeing no other options, I came to accept that this may just be God's will for my life; it was His will that I endure surgery at the age of 23 through a gift from my brother. I had to accept that God promises us many things, but in order to receive those things, we must be willing to comply with whatever He brings our way. Whether He takes us through humbling situations to get us to an understanding point, or He brings us to our lowest point, feeling every type of weakness, sickness, or illness to get us to where He wants us, we must accept it and comply. Resisting God's will is pointless. In choosing to walk with God, we must sometimes undergo some transformations–physical, emotional, spiritual, and in this case, a transformation of thought. Until I began to think positively and of the limitless power of God, I was not able to accept that I had to have a transplant. I was still dwelling on the fact that I did not do anything to cause my illnesses. Rather, I thought of all the people that had done much worse things, and caused their problems. But I just could not understand why, so I was unreceptive to every possible solution. Saying the Lord's Prayer as a child, I did not understand what it meant. Jesus right before He was betrayed said to God that His will be done. Sometimes we have to go through extreme difficulty to exalt God. In this situation, where for no apparent reason my kidneys rapidly declined over a three year period, only God can receive the glory because I am here after a successful transplant. But in that His will for my life was revealed. I recited and listened to scriptures, but until my mind was fertile enough after much humbling and "tilling of the soils" I could not receive that it was God's will that I be delivered through that operation. Now in facing other things, I recognize and know that resisting God's will only makes it harder to deal with. It makes the journey much longer and perhaps much more difficult than it needs to be. Taking advice from the wrong sources and listening to too many people only confused it and made my decision-making harder. The only true way to find peace is to ask for it, and be willing to let God take the reins of your life as He directs you in the way He would have you go. It is only now that I understand it was all preparation for His way…
God loves you…He blesses you with another day so make the most of it!
Marquita B. Priester