Author: marquitabp

To know me is to accept me, and to love me is to help me.
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Your Perfect Circle

The LORD will perfect that which concerns me: your mercy, O LORD, endures forever: forsake not the works of your own hands. Psalm 138:8 KJV2000

This has been on my heart for a while to write. I had been thinking of how my life has changed drastically in the last 3 years: lost friends, made some lifelong ones, finally adjusted to my life without my daddy, set plans in motion to move, moved nearly a 1000 miles away, started law school, got a new niece, made a vow to God to not cut my hair (as DIFFICULT as that is for me lol) and to honor my temple, gained new ministry opportunities, realized some of the gifts I have, finished my book and finally embraced me. One of the things that stood out the most for me was how God started moving people in and out of my life, which turned out to be the most painful part of the process.

When you are on your path to oneness with God, He will most definitely have you do some strange things. I cannot begin to tell you all the things God has had me do and a lot of them were uncomfortable. It hurt to not have some people on this journey with me, but it is all a part of trusting the process. I am reminded of Ecclesiastes 3, where we are told by Solomon that there is a time, a season for everything under the sun, and this most definitely includes relationships. Some friends I would not have imagined I would be without right now. At one point or another, I thought our relationships were covenant, forged in the fire of adversity to be lifelong. However, I was wrong. During that process, God has revealed to me that everyone was not my friend for the necessity of simply being my friend. No, they had become my friend for what I could do for them, or for what they saw in me, and how that thing could benefit them.

The pruning process is hard and painful. It’s much like removing a mole: depending on the method, you could be numbed to it and feel the pain afterwards, or you could be wide awake and feel it be snatched off of you, or you could be brave enough to do the callous thing yourself! I had to end some relationships because the person’s dependency on me was unhealthy and they honestly took more away from me than they added. Others were snatched from me by life and circumstance. Either way I was not happy–not happy to have to lose a friend, not happy to have to man up and do something that had long needed to be done, or simply not happy over having to step outside of my comfort zone.

I look at the scripture above and I think about this…God will perfect those things concerning me, even my choice of friends. I have some friends I have had for years and I see how God has grown us and matured us so our relationships could survive the test of time. I also see how He has used me and my walk to be an encouragement to others, even though it is very uncomfortable to be so open with some of the things I have gone through. But I realize yet again, He was just perfecting my circle, making sure those that are around me reinforce those same principles He wants me to reflect. I don’ t know if you have ever been in a fun house at the fair, with all the mirrors. But if you have been, and all the lights are on, have you ever noticed how bright the lights are in the part where the mirrors are arranged so that you see yourself in all the mirrors? Why is the light so bright? It is simple, yet complex: the mirrors reflect each other’s light. And so will your perfect circle will reflect your light. Maybe it’s time to check your circle, or turn on the light.

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6 NASB

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Going Against the Status Quo: Radical Obedience

Then Elisha sent him a messenger, who said, "Go wash seven times in the Jordan and your flesh will be restored and you will be clean." 2 Kings 5:10 HCSB

God has been having me do a whole lot lately, to stretch myself and to rid me of attitudes, behaviors, and unnecessary things that have hindered my journey. One thing in particular has been an increase in having difficult conversations. If you know me, I typically avoid conversations I do not want to have. I felt like if I ignored a thing long enough it would simply go away. Sadly, I realize now that it is a product of the things that happened to me growing up–I ignored, or rather, refused to acknowledge, some ugly truths until some other stimulus forced it to emerge from the cauldron. It is like boiling anything under pressure. Once the pressure builds to a high enough level, that thing is bound to boil over, and for me, it was not always pretty when it came out–but I digress, because when is the truth ever pretty?

One of my prayers has been for boldness. God in His awesomeness forced my hand with the first situation, because I had no intention of paying this thing a second thought. But God had the situation come to me, and when I got off the phone, I felt the press on my heart to say something more. I ignored it, so I woke up the next day with the words to say on my mind. All day that following day I procrastinated, but I prayed for the courage to have the conversation. Then alas after a strange series of events that following morning, now day 3, I couldn’t fight myself anymore and had the conversation. To my surprise it went well, even after what felt like haggling to finally say what God instructed me to say. So since then, I have been presented with other situations to question myself while doing something out of my comfort zone…and all have left me asking God, why do You have ME doing this?

To that, there is no obvious answer. Whether it is having a difficult conversation, swallowing a pill of your being wrong and admitting it, arguing your view, following some strange course to be healed or ignoring the need to stand up for yourself, the purpose behind all of these situations is to teach us obedience. Nowadays we live in a world where obedience is a foreign language, albeit unrecognizable for most. We have media telling us to cry mutiny against our leadership and encouraging the proliferation of violence among our children and we also have cartoons teaching children to lie and be disobedient. Radical obedience seems to be unfounded; as I thought about this earlier, I was reminded of Naaman, in 2 Kings 5, the Syrian general who was also a leper. He heard of in Samaria through one of the servants and his ability to heal him. Upon arrival, Naaman offered Elisha money to be healed. Instead, Elisha sent one of his servants to tell Naaman to wash in the Jordan 7 times. This sounds like a pretty ridiculous thing to do to Naaman, (and me also) so he got angry–and replied that there were better rivers that he could have done the same thing in. How many times have you asked God for a thing and He gave you a reply like, go apologize or give that woman $20, or something absurd in your rational, human mind?

It was not until his servants rephrased it, thus shedding light on the situation, that Naaman actually considered the solution. After washing himself those 7 times, his skin was as a child’s skin and he was clean. I do not know what God’s entire purpose was in those things I experienced, I know teaching me boldness for sure and I assume building my confidence in Him, but I also gained the understanding of why we need to be obedient. You never know if your doing that radical thing God has been pressing on your heart is the key to your breakthrough, so why not at least try? In this process, I have encountered those less than willing to hear what I had to say, but I know that my reward is in doing what I was instructed to do. And the more you are obedient, God will entrust you with more and greater tasks…consider it an honor!

For to everyone who has, more will be given, and he will have more than enough. But from the one who does not have, even what he has will be taken away from him. Matthew 25:29 HCSB