Author: marquitabp

The Necessary Pain of Biting Your Tongue

 

"A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control."  Proverbs 29:11 NIV

 

I  have learned that sometimes people have great intentions for the things they do and say to us.  And of course there are hurtful, vengeful, spiteful people out there that intend to hurt us in whatever ways they can.  But in growing in our walks with God, we, or I guess I better say I lol, learn that we must overlook many an insult or hurt.  I've learned early, thanks to a great mentor, that you have to get some thick skin and listen more because when your turn comes up, you don't want to be the fool.  Many times throughout the book of Proverbs Solomon speaks of having self-restraint and temperance in regards to our words.  Proverbs 19:11 NLT says "Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs."  Proverbs 14:29 GWT says "A person of great understanding is patient, but a short temper is the height of stupidity."  Proverbs 12:16 says "A fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted." 

 

So you know I need this right now…I had to pray and pray and look for scriptures about this.  Today at work I was so angry.  I am a nice person, but I have always in the past kept to myself at work and shied away from making friends at work–primarily because I have the rule that work stays at work and it does not come home with me, including the people.  But anyway, today is a beautiful day, and I knew yesterday that it would be fairly warm today.  I decided last night to wear a dress and blazer to work.  Now I don't claim to be Donatello Versace, but I like how I dress.  Its fashionable to me, and of course I have self-respect so it seems appropriate for work.  I had a close acquaintance here to say something to me…and the entire time I was saying to myself, "I am at work, I am at work, God help me because I am at work."  Lord knows I held my tongue because the things she said seemed to question my very relationship with God!! 

 

I realized this was one of those tempting situations where the devil provokes us to act ugly and backslide…but thank God that I have been thanking God for making me into a different person.  Thank God it was not last year when this happened, or else.  To question my character, my faith, and my calling are just wrong.  The all famous scripture that came to mind was when Jesus spoke of the adulterous woman to the Pharisees in John 8:7 NASB–But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them, "He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." This helped to remind me of how wrong this situation was. I was livid!  But thank God!  Because I learned and am still learning to bite my tongue and keep my reactions under control, I kept myself from getting too upset, and well at least from lashing back at her.  And according to these scriptures I did the right thing.  Now I did go to a few trusted friends not here and told them what happened, which helped me to get the anger out.  But I kept my composure and kept it together.

 

I have since seen the person and she asked me if I was okay, because she felt we had that type of relationship…WRONG!  If you feel the need to say something to someone, before you do it, please pray and ask God for the way to say it.  Namely because you don't know what type of mood that person may be in or how they will take what you say.  Words do hurt and injure a person.  It is scientifically proven that hurtful things said to a child do ultimately affect them as an adult.  Its like if you tell a child they are stupid over and over again…they grow up to believe that they are stupid.  When you submit to God everything–including the things you say, you learn that there are two ways to do everything: the wrong way and its actually a gazillion wrong ways…but also the God way.  He will order the words and how you need to deliver them.  Seek to be wise, because someone will always have something to say about what you are doing.  There will always be a dissenter or someone that does not like how you do things.  But by dying to self, and more importantly, consulting God before you react, you can be the wiser person that can overlook the wrongs that have been done to you.

 

"A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare."  Proverbs 15:1 NLT

Time to Get Stitched Up

 

"He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds."  Psalm 147:3 NASB

 

This has really become my lunch hour past time.  And who needs the words I write more than me!  Today is the day(not date) a year ago that my family had to tell my daddy goodbye.  He fought down to the last minute, 9:45pm to be exact and he made sure to give my mom one last kiss with all of his energy and strength fleeing his body.  I am so hurt again because my mind has relived each day since Thursday because my daddy's final battle spanned four days.  He outlived most people with his type of cancer, and I know I am glad that he is no longer suffering.

 

But my heart hurts, because I guess I'm my daddy's only daughter and his first born.  I have had to shoulder a lot this past year and my daddy was the icing to that cake.  I am grateful to God that I did have a chance to really get to know him before he left us.  And I know now that it is time for me to let God comfort me.  I spent so much time right after being angry and "imploding" that I did not really allow myself to grieve.  And I've learned that grieving is not an overnight process so its okay.

 

But as I talked with my mom today, she said the same thing, her heart was broken because he was gone.  And I felt it was all the more important to write on getting fixed up. 

 

Okay in the scripture above, the Psalmist tells us that God heals the broken in heart right?  But that can only happen after you have turned the problem, and your heart over to God to be fixed.  If you are "self-medicating" the situation with destructive behaviors or trying to simply fix yourself, you are not looking through clear eyes.  You cannot fix yourself, why you say?  Because as imperfect beings inclined to a sinful nature, we will gravitate towards whatever the flesh wants to make itself feel better.  From personal experience, after losing my cousin, then a painful relationship, and finally my dad, I could not feel.  So I shut down and shut everyone out–including God.  I think it was only because I prayed and cried out to God everyday that I knew my method was not working and I was still angry.  I spent nearly two months in the dark because I refused to let anyone in my safety zone.  And the people I turned to initially thought that getting my mind off my dad would help–wrong!  I wanted to embrace the memories I had and share them with somebody.  So the only person I could turn to was God.  So how do you get stitched up?  By letting go.  You cannot hold on to all of your hurt and simply put a bandage over them because they will not ever heal.  Its like a scrape that you keep peeling the scab off of (I hated scabs as a little girl so I always picked at them smh)…you keep reopening the wound and it never heals.  Or even worse, a wound that has not healed properly…you will have to open it back up whether you like it or not and let it heal right. 

 

What you should know is that no thing or person can heal your heart for you.  You must surrender whatever it is to God and let Him bring a perfect work in you to pass.  I'm speaking from experience.  I went to counseling after my dad died, and for a little while I was doing much better, but then I would be worse than when I went.  It was not until I got on my knees and cried out to God to fix me that I finally started feeling the ache go away.  The hurt I feel now is nothing like it was before.  Its bittersweet–sad that he is gone, but glad that he is not suffering anymore.  Honored that God chose to have him as my dad, and overjoyed that he is with Jesus now.

 

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed."  Psalm 34:18 NLT