Looking for Love

I haven’t written poetry in years but today and with everything that has been happening lately, I felt inspired. Hope it blesses you!

Looking for Love

Love, where are you? I’ve been searching high and low for you, looking over, in under and through people to find you, but your presence still evades me.

Love, where did you go? Why did you leave me? The air is still tinged with your aroma, with the effervescence of your essence and I still…can’t…find…YOU.

Love do you still exist? So much that my friends and family resort to a computer screen to find you when you used to be in between the cosmic condensation of space, called now, something we witnessed in our parents and grandparents, but yet now you elude us as life dilutes us from what is real…what is…you.

Love, what do I need to do, to have you here with me, permanently, conjunctively, with no dysfunctions or disjunctions? What do I need to do to feel your lasting warmth, your sweet embrace and to admire your lovely face? What do I need to do to just hold you, feel you and taste the air you breathe, my eyes are blind and I cannot see without you.

Love, deep in my heart I cannot doubt the seeds you planted when you left. I cannot allow the reality of right now to disillusion me against the realness of your message, of your sentences filled with verbs—your words, singing to my heart, that even though sometimes we are distant we will never part, that you hold my heart. Even when chasing dreams and ambitions hide your smile from eyesight’s view, I must keep hold of vision, to you I remain true.

Love, thank you for the reminder that when I doubt you’re there I must look within to that place, that now dark, damp and dusty place where you once lived, and if I gaze on the memory I realize that you never left me and you will always live within me as long as I am true to myself and remember why My Father gave you to me…so that others can see Him through me, so that each days mercies are new to me, and so that He can use me, to find you.

Marquita 02/20/2013

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love isn’t jealous. It doesn’t sing its own praises. It isn’t arrogant. It isn’t rude. It doesn’t think about itself. It isn’t irritable. It doesn’t keep track of wrongs. It isn’t happy when injustice is done, but it is happy with the truth. Love never stops being patient, never stops believing, never stops hoping, never gives up.
Love never comes to an end.

Your Perfect Circle

The LORD will perfect that which concerns me: your mercy, O LORD, endures forever: forsake not the works of your own hands. Psalm 138:8 KJV2000

This has been on my heart for a while to write. I had been thinking of how my life has changed drastically in the last 3 years: lost friends, made some lifelong ones, finally adjusted to my life without my daddy, set plans in motion to move, moved nearly a 1000 miles away, started law school, got a new niece, made a vow to God to not cut my hair (as DIFFICULT as that is for me lol) and to honor my temple, gained new ministry opportunities, realized some of the gifts I have, finished my book and finally embraced me. One of the things that stood out the most for me was how God started moving people in and out of my life, which turned out to be the most painful part of the process.

When you are on your path to oneness with God, He will most definitely have you do some strange things. I cannot begin to tell you all the things God has had me do and a lot of them were uncomfortable. It hurt to not have some people on this journey with me, but it is all a part of trusting the process. I am reminded of Ecclesiastes 3, where we are told by Solomon that there is a time, a season for everything under the sun, and this most definitely includes relationships. Some friends I would not have imagined I would be without right now. At one point or another, I thought our relationships were covenant, forged in the fire of adversity to be lifelong. However, I was wrong. During that process, God has revealed to me that everyone was not my friend for the necessity of simply being my friend. No, they had become my friend for what I could do for them, or for what they saw in me, and how that thing could benefit them.

The pruning process is hard and painful. It’s much like removing a mole: depending on the method, you could be numbed to it and feel the pain afterwards, or you could be wide awake and feel it be snatched off of you, or you could be brave enough to do the callous thing yourself! I had to end some relationships because the person’s dependency on me was unhealthy and they honestly took more away from me than they added. Others were snatched from me by life and circumstance. Either way I was not happy–not happy to have to lose a friend, not happy to have to man up and do something that had long needed to be done, or simply not happy over having to step outside of my comfort zone.

I look at the scripture above and I think about this…God will perfect those things concerning me, even my choice of friends. I have some friends I have had for years and I see how God has grown us and matured us so our relationships could survive the test of time. I also see how He has used me and my walk to be an encouragement to others, even though it is very uncomfortable to be so open with some of the things I have gone through. But I realize yet again, He was just perfecting my circle, making sure those that are around me reinforce those same principles He wants me to reflect. I don’ t know if you have ever been in a fun house at the fair, with all the mirrors. But if you have been, and all the lights are on, have you ever noticed how bright the lights are in the part where the mirrors are arranged so that you see yourself in all the mirrors? Why is the light so bright? It is simple, yet complex: the mirrors reflect each other’s light. And so will your perfect circle will reflect your light. Maybe it’s time to check your circle, or turn on the light.

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6 NASB