Category: Devotions

Repent, therefore, and reform your lives, so that the record of your sins may be cancelled, and that there may come seasons of revival from the Lord,
Acts 3:19

A couple of years ago, God began nudging me for revival. I shared this with some people I was praying with/for at the time and they let me know that they had either felt the same thing or agreed with the need for revival.

I heard God speak to me about this today saying that revival begins in the heart of man and by man, I took that to confirm my prayers for change in myself. The word revival has many meanings, to include restoration, reintroduction, regeneration, and resurrection. It applies to so many things for me right now…a restoration, regeneration, and resurrection of my faith, a resurrection of dreams, and now, a reintroduction to the very essence of who God is.

I have been seeing butterflies often for the last few weeks. Ironically enough, God had me talk to my Spec, and butterflies came up during our conversation. In fact, I’m reading a devotional on the transformation butterflies go through. It all makes so much sense now, especially the timing. Bare with me for this.

1) Butterflies begin as eggs that hatch into larvae, that are more commonly known as the caterpillars we love and some hate. I was fascinated as a child with catching caterpillars in jars and stuck leaves in the jar for the caterpillars to eat. My mom who hates all forms of insects would make me throw them out. What are caterpillars known for, being a nuisance to some of course, but it is their hunger driven pursuit of all things edible that is probably most familiar. They eat all they can to prepare them for the work of the next phase of their lives, the chrysalis or as we are familiar with, the cocoon. The caterpillar eats and eats and eats to store energy for the major metamorphosis and transformation needed to achieve its adulthood.

2) I have only seen cocoons in science class, well perhaps a few times growing up. But I know what this is like in the natural. For me it has been a place of self-evaluation, preparation, change and acceptance.

God used strategic periods of preparation for the chrysalis period in my life, or rather one of them. I recognize that as right now. He gave me many corrective words over the last 5 years. He taught me that the bitterness I held towards many after my daddy’s death was keeping me stagnant, so I learned to forgive. He unveiled certain gifts to me that had been active my entire life but had been malnourished. He taught me that I talked too much, so I learned to shut up. He showed me that I had to relate to certain friends differently so that when seasons changed I was not wounded by what happened. He taught me people’s purposes in my life and vice versa so that I would stop being hurt when people didn’t line up to the expectation I had for them — well He pretty much drilled it into my mind to stop having expectations of people altogether. He showed me that being molested had left a scar on my psyche so He gently healed it by giving me my power back. He showed me that the spirit of offense had crept into my heart through wounds from my childhood that desperately sought to keep me in bondage so he tenderly used the first days of my learning of my pregnancy to heal and deliver me so that when reasons to be offended came (and did they ever!!!) I was able to give them back to Him. He removed the blinders so that I could recognize people claiming to represent Him and not be hurt but instead see through their lies. He delivered me from a critical and judgmental spirit — well a religious spirit and traditions of man too!!! He purified those things the enemy sought to taint and tarnish. He gave me the pure milk of His word. He taught me how to receive His genuine love through those He has sent to be by my side in this journey and in those He has instructed me to recognize as help to raise my son. He taught me to stop apologizing for who He made me to be because of others around me who haven’t stepped into His glory for their own lives. He taught me to love myself. Moreover, He has taught me to recognize woundedness in others without allowing their woundedness to hurt me again. He has fed me on how best to reach Him — through a contrite heart, persistence and perseverance in prayer, and unshakeable faith — and He called me to Him secretly.

The beautiful part of all of this is that God has done this how I needed it. He has brought about transformations and changes through my pain, teaching me lessons like "nobody owes me anything," the vital necessity of gratefulness and authentically being transparent.

I have had many hurtful things said to me in life, by family and supposed friends no less…but the truth is God used and is using all that stuff. The things we face in life are the very things that make our stories beautiful. The things you overcome and triumph over are the very things that show the essence of God and the resilience He has wired into each of us. I learned to stop waiting on apologies to come and to live by turning it all back over to Him.

We don’t see the cocoon as a place of loss, but it is. The caterpillar loses everything it once knew to become what it never knew it could be. Yes, becoming a butterfly is programmed into its DNA, but only God truly knows of the transformation that takes place for a specific chrysalis. Only God knows the perfect conditions, the perfect location, and the exact foods a certain caterpillar needs to eat to become the butterfly it is destined to be. Only God knew the exact set of circumstances that I needed to go through to become the woman He longs for me to be. It hurts to be broken down and built back up, but it is the exact hand you’ve been dealt in life that will usher you deeper into relationship with God if you allow it. It is your exact hand that God can use for His glory.

3) The last stage is that of the butterfly. After what seems like a lifetime, after all that eating, after all the hard work to create the cocoon and remain undetected while the body structure needed to sustain the new life that is being birthed out of it was formed, the butterfly struggles to emerge and emerges victoriously. As part of my current prayer challenge, I’m praying for change in myself. I knew I needed additional strength — who doesn’t need strength as a single parent! I also knew I needed to transition to seeing myself as a mother. My son is coming soon and that transformation is not one I have encountered. I’ve been a student. I’ve been the teacher. I’ve been a mentee and I’ve been a mentor. But I have never been a parent. And in 12 weeks or less, I’ll meet my next teacher and embrace my new assignment. I cannot say I initially welcomed or wanted this transformation. I did not feel ready. I had so many plans — being married was one of them!! sheesh — that I wanted to accomplish before having children. Now, I see my son was what God felt I needed to bring these lessons to completion. I needed my baby so that I could evolve. The losses — friendships, relationships (and the reframing of both), old ways of thinking and attitudes — were necessary to make room for my greatest blessing.

The saying "be careful what you pray for" is so real!! I prayed that God would give me a word to focus on this year…and that word is uncomfortable. All I can say is I’ve been so uncomfortable in so many ways it’s unreal!! I just hope next year’s word isn’t as heavy as this word has been.

Until then, I’ll continue my transformation, my revival of sorts, and I look forward to emerging as the woman He called me to be.

Of course this scripture was in some research I found on butterflies…and it is one of the scriptures I confess daily as part of my prayer challenge. How perfect and timely.
Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
Romans 12:2

The LORD will fight for you; you must be quiet." Exodus 14:14 HCSB
The LORD himself will fight for you. Just stay calm." NLT
The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” ESV
The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace. KJV

I hope this isn’t overload on that scripture but it’s been so imperative to my journey lately. I have scriptures written everywhere — on the walls in my condo as decorative inspiration, on the wall and door of my closet as a reminder while I’m getting dressed, on the wall and mirror in my bathroom since I spend a good deal of time in there doing my hair and getting ready, and in my phone as reminders. While I don’t always remember to confess these scriptures everyday (some days I say them multiple times a day), having them constantly before me reminds me of God’s faithfulness and to keep what I want to believe at the forefront of my mind, much like Joshua 1:8 says to do. And have I EVER had to keep these scriptures on my tongue the last almost 5 months.

I think in general, people mostly have good intentions. There are many who are nosy, spiteful, jealous and bitter, for a myriad of reasons, who will say whatever out of emotion but I think for the most part, we have enough common sense to ignore them. But what about those people who are supposed to be there or generally have "the right thing" to say to us in our times of need? What happens when it seems they have lost their minds and say insensitive, thoughtless things? What about people you have no relationship with voicing their opinions under the guise of the "Holy Spirit" or the "voice of God" supposedly speaking through them (test the Spirit by the Spirit)? What about people who neglect to truly seek God for the on-time word instead of their opinion? What about family members? Friends? Co-workers?

Needless to say, I’ve been very angry at times, to the point of wanting to react in less than becoming ways. Every time somebody says something out of pocket to me I get angry (and usually cry to release the anger since I don’t fight anymore hahaha) and then I come up with these rather nice razor sharp retorts that God immediately shushes and muffles by telling me to let it go. I’m normally a discerning person so I recognize it’s the enemy trying to come at me through these people. Some situations though, have certainly hurt more than most.

I found myself like the Israelites complaining to God about these things and the people. Matter of fact, I spent many a day angry crying and asking God why am I experiencing all of this. And today it hit me, that this scripture that I have written and posted on my bathroom wall, was the answer I was looking for along with Luke 18:7.

Luke 18 begins with the Parable of the Persistent Widow/Unjust Judge. If I do say so myself, I have been that woman lately! Constantly bringing people and issues before God, asking Him why is He allowing me to be treated this way, interceding for those who have hurt me, knowingly and unknowingly, and demanding that He give me justice. Much like my prayers to forgive others, I have incessantly asked God to give me the strength to let these things go while allowing Him to bandage up my wounds. I had to be more vigilant than before because if I wasn’t careful, I could fall victim to an attack…which I did just recently.

Luke 18:6-8 says the following: And the Lord said, “Listen to what the unjust judge says. 7And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? 8I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?”

I needed the reminder in verses 7 and 8 just like I needed the reminder in Exodus 14:14. Even with this recent thing, I had to choose to listen to God instead of saying something, to avoid exacerbating an already bad situation. I had to be quiet, stay calm, keep my peace and stay silent. I had to believe these things and remind God of them. While He voiced the solution to my issue with that person, it was only because I chose to give it over to Him and seek Him for the solution. Rather than going off, which would have appeased my flesh and probably permanently damaged that relationship, I chose to let it go and give it to God. I was so angry and bothered by it that I found myself crying at my desk and in the bathroom at work because of my frustration and heavy desire to speak up for myself. God made me sit down last night before bed and write down every way this person has ever hurt me over the years, and I was avoiding doing it. But when I woke up this morning, I felt renewed because after I finally wrote it all out, I gave it all to the One who can do something about it.

The truth here is that people may never see the pain their words, lack of discernment, and actions cause others because of their own pains. Sadly I know this to be true. However, you and I have a choice of whether we will hold on to it and allow it to become an open door for bitterness and ultimately the enemy to further attack us. The persistent widow kept going back to the only person who could provide her recourse in her situation. Even though the judge was a jerk, he ultimately did what was right because rather than continue to be aggravated he wanted her gone!

Likewise, I have been taking all these people to God. Some of them are much easier than others to brush off, but I take them to God nonetheless. I’ve found peace in being quiet (and blocking people, muting conversations, ignoring phone calls). Do what God leads you to do to protect your peace! The beautiful thing is that God is faithful to keep His promises so we can hold fast to Him giving us justice! So today, take that thing , whatever your thing is, and the people to the only one who can give you justice.