Author: marquitabp

"The young lions suffer want and hunger: but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing." Psalm 34:10

I have been having the most difficult struggle with being away from my friends and loved ones. But I finally realized today that it is good for me to be here in this season. Of most importance right now, I have been able to learn to focus on the immediate task. Because the only distractions here in New Orleans for me are my raging thoughts. One thought will have me listening to a song while I am attempting to study and that will lead me to run off and do something else completely unrelated, with me accomplishing nothing or my overall productivity greatly diminished. I have learned to step outside of my comfortable walls and go to a coffee shop so that all the distractions around me somehow quiet my mind so that I am able to get work done.

So, I read this scripture today. I have been reading the 34th Psalm almost daily as a part of this devotion I signed up for. And today as I read it during a work break, this scripture stood out to me as another popped into my head. Then I asked myself, if I am seeking God, and He withholds no good thing from me, maybe it is not good for me to be close to my family and friends right now. And that thought brought tears to my eyes as I would want nothing greater than to be close to home. Today I thought of that as I talked to my brother and my niece. She’s talking, still gibberish but its getting clearer. As my brother told me about her, my heart became heavy because I want nothing more than to spend time with her and be closer to my family. Even this year will be the first year that I will not be going home for Thanksgiving. I’m 28 years old and this will be my first time away from home and my loved ones on Thanksgiving. I asked God what was the purpose in all of this, why I am I being isolated like this. So I assume this scripture was the result of that prayer.

Sometimes, we go through periods of isolation. It is often during these periods of isolation that we go through our greatest spiritual growth spurts. I went through one last year, but this one is even harder because I honestly hate being here. I recognize there are a lot of ways about me that still need to be cleaned up, and I think at this point, maybe I have been running away from the things God wants me to do for too long now.

This even made me think about the things I want really bad…like to move back to Atlanta and to get married! I can no longer deny the fact that Mother Nature and her clock has me desiring to have a family of my own…but all I have is Parker. lol. This scripture made me think of this too, and maybe what I want is not good for me, well at least right now. Then I thought a little deeper, have my pursuits of these things, like moving closer to home and applying for jobs, spending time with friends and family, and even desiring to get married (mainly unsuccessful dating attempts since I have been here) kept me from seeking God? Because maybe it is me, my thoughts and the actions that result from them that are keeping me from having what I want. The things I want are good things…but if I meditate and focus on them too much, they can become idols which of course will serve to sever my bond with God. I wouldn’t seek Him as diligently in prayer, I would be neglecting Him.

So this sometimes happens to us in life, God seemingly strips away all those things of value to us, to get us to Himself, so that we can put things in proper perspective. I’ve been going back and forth about being here in New Orleans. I really want to leave, but I do now realize that being here is good for something…for me to draw closer to God and seek Him ever more intently. Maybe the source of the storm has been within me all along…holding on to those things that remind me of who I used to be instead of accepting who I am becoming. In doing that, I have been resisting being here this second year so far, wanting to leave to go back to what was old and comfortable. The truth is, I seriously contemplated transferring from Clark to Clemson…but staying in Atlanta and yielding to God was one of the best decisions I ever made. Perhaps it is God’s will for me to stick it out till I graduate from law school, maybe it isn’t. At any rate, I will seek Him more, so that when I am released from here (prayerfully soon), those things I currently lack will be exactly as He wants them to be when its time for me to receive them.

Yield now and be at peace with Him; Thereby good will come to you. Job 22:21

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6

I regret the day I prayed for patience. I frequently say how much I despise the word. I really do. I would be lying if I said I didn’t. But I say this in honesty because I have learned so many lessons about life and myself. From my dealings with others, to how I view myself, patience has made all the difference.

I was angry today because a pastor I follow was judging women who are saved for how they dress–because they have not quite gotten to where she is. I had a conversation pertaining to this type of judgment a few weeks ago with a pastor about my own experiences with it and how I have learned that it takes time for God’s works to be completed. It was apparent to me that these people forgot that God didn’t deliver them overnight; they told me themselves. The scripture above confirms that! You see, I wasn’t always this way. I was much different and even though I still have a long way to go, I have made progress which directly reflects God’s hand on my life. I still have some very marked flaws but I trust those to God too. That has been one of my struggles lately, wondering how God is going to get me from here, the place I am in mentally, physically, and spiritually to where He wants me to be. And it rang out, patience, trust the process and allow yourself to be prepared. Likewise, people, including clergy, sometimes forget the process that God took them through to get where they are. I was guilty of this when I was a baby Christian. I wanted my boyfriend at the time, my friends, and family to all get to where I felt I was in my walk. But God showed me that I still had more growing to do. So the next time you judge that lady in church for her tight pants and cleavage in church, although distracting if your mind isn’t focused on getting the word, remember she is not where you think you are, and God invites us to come to Him as we are, imperfections and all. Because He is more than patient with us all, right?

Patience is the product of suffering and trials. It teaches us to endure, and endure in faith. It strengthens our faith muscles, much like push-ups and squats build muscles. But you can’t work out once and expect to lift cars! You must be patient–and endure. God has been drilling me in this lesson for the last 4 years. Everything I desire: healing and deliverance from medications, marriage and children, debt freedom, and now to become a judge…I have to patiently endure the process necessary for all of this. While I know I don’t have it 100% mastered, patience has taught me to trust God and cleave to Him to have the faith necessary to keep believing that the things I want in life will manifest.

I think the most beautiful lesson I’ve learned in all of this is that as long I as trust God for what He has shown me, no matter what, I will have those things. And the reward of patience is knowing God more intimately. To endure and persevere for His promises causes you to draw nearer to Him. And its in the drawing nearer to Him that you are transformed and changed. You gain the intimacy of relationship with God and its there in that intimacy that you learn to walk in those things He has promised you–you walk in your healing, you walk in your favor, you walk in your deliverance. You expect your spouse, you await those children, and you can endure in peace and joy. I’m getting there, because it has been tough enduring for me. I have had to overcome myself and the things that have come against what I want. But I see how God has changed me and those around me, and I can rest in knowing that its simply a matter of time before my desires make their appearance.

So the next time you feel judged, remember two things, God isn’t through with you yet and just like they judge you, God will judge them. Let patience have its work in you and your life.

But patience will have a complete work for itself that you would be perfected and complete, and that you would be lacking nothing. James 1:4

So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. Galatians 6:9