Laws of Attraction, Sowing and Reaping

A man that has friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24 KJV2000

You may feel this is not relevant, but of course I do lol. We all pray for things; we all have things we want and long for. Some of you desire marriage, friendships, or other things in the form of people to satisfy some need. I learned this the hard way.

I prayed that God would send me a friend back in 2009. And I received the word back many times that in order to have friends, you must first be a friend. What this meant I would learn over many years, and today it was crystallized in my mind how difficult that process has been, but how the end result was great. Over the last 3-4 years, a number of people have come in and out of my life to be my ‘friend’ and some have definitely not made the cut. But there have been a select few of these relationships that have weathered the test of time and my emotions and feelings, lol; they have definitely given me some wounds lol but thank God for healing. There was a need deep within my heart to keep pressing and going back and forgiving, supporting, praying, encouraging and remaining there for that person in spite of their complaining, neglect, disagreements with my way (because for some people, its my way or the highway ), and just ruffling my feathers and rubbing me the wrong way–chafing my skin.

I think of Jesus and our heavenly Father, how time after time after time we are forgiven when we are less than ‘friendly’ to them. We doubt, we give up, and cry and pout (I know I’m talking to myself and its funny now lol). But they are still there for us…why you ask? Because of love! We show others the love of God when we withstand the ability to give up on them, even when we want to and truthfully others want us to as well.

You must be a friend first (your act of sowing) so that when friends come along (your harvest) you know how to treat them! In my case I have asked God for many things: a mentor, so I have had to mentor people (very difficult); to be a wife and get married so I have been going through a preparation and purification process that has been very humbling to me, including confessing my own list of ‘I am’ statements which detail qualities I would like in my husband as well as that I become the Proverbs 31 woman, submitting to God’s authority, having integrity; to be a leader so I have been undergoing the DIFFICULT, testy task of be led, both at work, school, and in the Spirit; to be a mother so I had a mentee that was very much like my child that taught me things about life and even in helping with my nieces and god-daughter even though I am nearly a 1000 miles away, being nurturing to others, in particular to their Spirit man; to be wealthy so I had to learn to give and sow and tithe, all acts of my faith necessary for me to see the manifestation of the resources that will cause that to happen… I have had to sow these actions so that when my times come for harvesting–my marriage, my becoming a parent, my becoming a leader–I am prepared to maintain the rewards of my labor.

Your sowing will attract the harvest you desire. The beauty of being a friend or a mentor or a mother to someone else…you are sowing God’s love into someone’s life that will produce the greatest harvest ever–the salvation of their soul.

Remember this: The person who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and the person who sows generously will also reap generously. 2 Corinthians 9:6 HCSB

As You Love Yourself

He answered: "’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’" Luke 10:27 NIV

I have been thinking about this since before I went to bed last night. I have been thinking of how to share this…whether to do an Instagram post or break my Lent fast from Facebook because it seemed so important to share, or whether to simply share it with my girlfriends as I have been doing the last few days. For preservation of anonymity, I decided to do what I do best..write.

After bible study, I had a conversation with a friend that turned to the topic of my singleness. He asked, why don’t I have a boyfriend? My reply was the truth, in that I wanted to detox, release all the baggage of relationships past, release all of the things that have happened to me over the years, be the best me I could be, and do what God asked me to do, but do it for myself. I admitted I wanted to be in a relationship, loved being in one, but I wasn’t ready for it. As I got off the video, I realized that this was something much more than that. Back in 2009 after my transplant, one of the things I asked of God was that He teach me to love others the way He loved me and to love myself that way too. So as He spoke to my heart last night and reminded me of that, I realized that I was loving myself the way God wanted me to love myself by choosing to remain single and celibate until I meet my husband. I was loving myself so that I could love my neighbors as myself. Let’s be real, how can you love other people if you don’t love yourself?

I tried writing this last night before I went to sleep…but delirium and tiredness hit me heavy. As I woke up with this on my mind, it kept coming back to me that it would have been impossible for me to fully love someone, my future husband for example, if I continued to carry around all of the filth and garbage from the past. I realized that I could not give God or him all of me in holding on to what BoBo did to me or mistakes I made. I realized I could not love Marquita and thus I could not love others being who I used to be. Yesterday, I shared with Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and undoubtedly the world how I woke up feeling beautiful. I never in my life experienced that feeling…and I didn’t have on any makeup or lip gloss…just a smile and my clothes that are almost two sizes too big in some areas lol. I realized that of all of the things I have gone through in the last 8 months of this Esther purification process (reply if you’d like more details in how God has been transforming me), the greatest lesson has been in loving myself. The products of this journey so far include knowing my worth, being able to be brutally honest with myself about the mistakes I have made, listening to and learning from others, and just embracing me for everything that includes…in essence, loving me.

I think of this scripture and it dawned on me how it is apparent that there is a lack of love in the world, and that the enemy’s attempts at perverting everything God has created are in actuality, working–but I digress because God already has the glory from this. Hate is apparent in every area of our lives, from global interactions to day-to-day driving experiences. People are isolated and cut off from real interactions with others, they flip people off when driving, or in my case, threaten to ride around with a bucket of rocks to beam at people every time they do something I don’t like on the road, lol. But this is not how God intended us to be. I have learned that it is in loving God–submitting, being obedient, and trusting Him, having faith in every single thing He says–that I learned to love me. The things I have done have been unorthodox, even strange (but hey God is extraordinary, if Naaman dipped seven times in the dirty Jordan and was healed of leprosy…then my celibacy and singleness are mere tasks for the greater glory He will soon reveal).

You cannot love yourself walking around in shame. You cannot love yourself walking around dragging generational curses (which, YOU have the authority to condemn and break, Isa 54:17) or by allowing yourself to be oppressed by demonic influences (let’s be real…lust, perversion, whoredoms, addictions, depression, and bondage define the world we live in…and it was only after being delivered from it that I recognized its hold on me, but more about that to come soon). You cannot love yourself ignoring the truth. The truth is, it has been in my obedience and willingness to trust God that I have learned so much. I have lost so much ‘weight’ both literally and spiritually, because I got fed up with not loving myself and going back to why this and why that, why isn’t my life going the way I want it to go. It all started because I loved someone else so much that I wanted to forgive and be a better woman… But there was a greater gift in store for me, because this journey has been so beautiful–I finally love who I see everyday looking back at me, unconditionally. This journey has opened my eyes to seeing the beauty in others, and also in being loving to others even when the old me could give two…craps about even speaking to people. The greatest commandments–to love God and to love others as ourselves–can change the world if practiced. It is my hope that in my sharing this process, and eventually the whole of it with you all, that you will go against the norm, against society’s demands of assimilation, and be the agent of change in your sphere of influence. I am sure your journey to true self-love–how can you love yourself if you don’t love God–and love of others will be different from my own…but stop resisting it and just be! Love your neighbors as you love yourself…love yourself today!

"I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another." John 13:34 HCSB