Believing at the Point of Despair

In the crowd was a woman who had been suffering from chronic bleeding for twelve years. Although she had been under the care of many doctors and had spent all her money, she had not been helped at all. Actually, she had become worse. Mark 5:25-26 GWT

This topic plagued my heart for the last few days. How can you expect someone to believe in God when everything they have believed Him for has failed to manifest? How can you expect someone to believe in your testimony when nothing they have prayed for seems to happen, and everything they have prayed against has come to pass? How can you convince them when instead of things getting better, it has gotten worse? It would be pointless to say to them, ‘just have faith’ or ‘God’s going to work it out.’ I know, because I have both been that person that those words were said to and I have been the person to say it. It would even be worse to say that, maybe you are outside of God’s will for your life to this person, who is already on the brink of or in a state of depression.

The message I heard that mentioned this scenario referenced Elisha’s encounter with the widow whose sons were about to be sold into slavery to pay the debt left behind by her husband, one of the men in Elisha’s company. Think about it: your husband/wife dies, leaves behind considerable debt, enough that the creditors want to sell your children into slavery to pay it back. You just lost your spouse, and now they want to take everything from you. How do you tell someone like that to believe that God will provide?

The scriptures above are about the woman with the issue of blood; she had done everything she could to be healed. She spent all her money and no one could help her. Then to add misery to her strife, her condition had grown worse. How do you tell her…to believe????

This was very difficult for me to conceptualize, and at the end, I realized in my own situation and in that of a little sister of mine, I had to relinquish her and my own problems to God. I realized that in my situation and in the situation of the woman with the issue of blood, we both kept taking the problem back away from God, trying to fix it in our own power. Whereas, unlike us, the widow went straight to God’s representative (since in that time the priests and prophets were God’s representatives and intermediaries on Earth). You have to turn it and them over to God.

You cannot think that your unguided intervention will prompt a doubt-filled person to believe and have faith to reach the point of things changing in their favor. Honestly speaking, you would have to be delusional to think that your actions alone are sufficient enough; without God’s hand on the situation, you will simply fall into the same cycle, and digging yourself or pushing them deeper into depression. You see, we are not as in control as we would like to think. In those times of despair, complete surrender is the only thing that will work.

It hurt me to have to tell my little sister that she was selfish and that sometimes life was difficult enough to push us into disbelief, but that in those times, we could have the greatest growth if we simply trusted in God–and that as long as she continued to doubt and say things contrary to what I believed, I could not entertain her. It broke my heart because I love her as if she was my natural-born sister. But, I realized I was doing that thing I do, trying to rescue people again–my motto should be ‘No Souls Left Behind, lol.’ I had to realize that it was God’s job to intervene and I could no longer try to take His place in her life or force her to believe Him for that matter. I especially could no longer hear the complaints that cast down her faith when I know personally what God has done in my own life.

When I got to this point in my walk that I was so unsure of what would happen that it seemed easy to ‘curse God and die’–like Job’s wife told him to do–I could only muster the strength to cry out louder to God. I realized that life was pointless to live without faith and I could not ignore God’s past works in my life. The beauty of this is that in both scriptural references–the woman with the issue of blood and the widow–at their points of absolute despair they turned to God. And it was God–not man–that changed their situations and ushered them into their breakthrough.

So basically there is not a solution out that eludes that total surrender on either party’s part. If you are a Miss-Fix-It like I used to be, you have to surrender those people to God, and believe and pray on their behalf, even if they say they will not. If you are in a place where it seems as if God is not there, I think you know now that it is time to reach for the hem of His garment like the woman with the issue of blood, and allow God to pour out His continually flowing oil like with the widow to anoint you and your situation. Trust God and realize there is no other way to move to the other side of ‘through.’

When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.” Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering. At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched my clothes?” “You see the people crowding against you,” his disciples answered, “and yet you can ask, ‘Who touched me?’” But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” Mark 5:27-34 NIV

Following After His Voice: A Lesson in Obedience

The Lord had said to Abram, “Leave your country, your people and your father’s household and go to the land I will show you. Genesis 12:1

I know it’s been quite a while since I last wrote. Lately, I’ve been posting my ‘devotions’ directly on Facebook. But today, I felt the need to write and share a little testimony.

Among the many things God has led me to do in my life, there are two things that weigh heavy on my heart, and the most current is my having to leave home and everything I know to move to New Orleans. You see, since the day I set foot back in South Carolina, I was stricken in virtually every area of my life. I commonly refer to the last 4 years I spent at home as my ‘wilderness experience.’ During that period of my life, I learned so many things, but I think the most paramount of those lessons were to have faith and trust God unrelentlessly.

So trust I did. I sought God about His desires for every area of my life–career, ministry, family, love, etc. This journey has brought me to this place, like Abraham (or Abram at the time) where I have had to leave everything I know and love behind: a brand new niece that has filled some of the voids in my heart, friends that have become family and their children that are my own nieces and nephews now, and my family. I knew I had no desire of staying in Charleston or even South Carolina for that matter, but that did not make leaving any less hard. I even left the place I feel is my true home, Atlanta, leaving some of the same things there, and I’m certain after this part of my journey, I’ll get back there.

Sometimes in life we are faced with those not so easy decisions: to follow our dreams and take the road less traveled, leading to ultimate fulfillment in Christ or to sacrifice those dreams and ignore our appointed purposes to remain comfortable. Trust me, there is nothing easy packing your whole life up and driving your packed to capacity truck, dog in tow, to a ‘foreign land.’ I knew no one here other than my linesister Ashley, my two uncles, and a little cousin. I left what I had grown accustomed to over the last four years, having everyone I love in a near vicinity and driving distance.

And today, this morning, I cried because my heart was heavy over having to leave them behind. Then God reminded me of Abraham. Abraham is the father of many nations, and right here in Genesis 12:1 is when God calls him away to become that very person! God spoke to me and reminded me of this, that I too, had to leave ‘home’ (Charleston, Columbia, SC, Atlanta) to go to a place that He had shown me, so that He can continue shaping me into the woman He called me to be. Like Abraham, I had to leave my appointed place (I believe, Atlanta) to go somewhere to be enriched (Abram leaves Canaan quickly after arriving and goes to Egypt–Genesis 12–and I will say with certainty that my time in Charleston definitely enriched me). Not once during his journey did Abraham doubt–yes, he got impatient and tried to make things happen his own way…and YES I’ve done that too, much to my discomfort in the end. Abraham–what God names Abram after He changes Abram’s name and reaffirms His promises in the covenant–gets to a place of rest in God’s word to him, that he quickly obeys from thereafter. Even in fear (he feared he would be killed for Sarai/Sarah because of her beauty both in Egypt and in Abimelech’s territory), God blesses Abraham. And upon Abraham’s return to his ‘home’–for him it is Canaan–God fulfills His promises to Abraham. Even greater than that, God has increased Abraham tremendously throughout his journey both in material wealth and in faith.

So I will be at ease, because not only did God bless Abraham’s end, but He blessed His entire journey! So I will remain encouraged and stay focused, because God wants to bless some people through me! (Gen 12:3) At this point, I have too much to lose, and life without God’s hand steering me is not really life at all…be blessed!

“I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you.” So Abram left, as the Lord had told him; and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he set out from Haran. Genesis 12:2-4 NIV