Itchy

The LORD will smite you with the boils of Egypt and with tumors and with the scab and with the itch, from which you cannot be healed. Deuteronomy 28:27 NASB

Itching in almost all cases is an indicator that there is something wrong. Whether you start itching immediately after a mosquito bite, you start itching during the summer from the heat and the resultant eczema patches, or you are suffering from allergy and sinus-induced itching and scratching of the throat and ears as often used to happen to me, itching is an indication that further investigation should be done to identify the root of the issue.

Likewise, when we itch spiritually, that is a clear and key indication that something is going wrong in our lives. And more often than not, we all seek natural ways to calm the itch.

Testimony Time! Okay, sigh, inhale and exhale here it goes…

So…when I had my transplant, I decided to give my life to God fully, meaning I would date whoever He had for me–thus resulting in me breaking up with my high school sweetheart, I would do whatever He wanted me to do with my life–including pursuing ministry if that is what He had for me, and just live life for Him and leave everything that was hindering from true growth and development behind. Sure enough…I started in the area of love, seeking to learn to love whoever He put my life how He loved me. So I tried, I mean I tried, taking every kind of mental blow and honestly lowering my standards to be the best girlfriend I could be. But something within me just felt the relationship was so wrong. On the surface, everything seemed okay. I thought my apprehension was a defense mechanism I had acquired from life and life experiences. Instead of letting God love me and thus teach me how to love others with His agape kind of love, I stayed in an unhealthy relationship that took a toll on me and scarred me. I was so afraid to be in a relationship after that one that I just kind of ‘floating’ in a quasi-relationship status, from one guy to the next, all the while harboring the anger and bitterness that my ex sparked within me. I had the realization at my dad’s funeral that I had a perfect example of His love all along in my parent’s relationship…and I had been seeking to satisfy that need to love and be in a relationship for validation in the wrong person, through the wrong means.

I now know that it is no truer a statement that if you try to appease an itch with a mediocre balm–lust, human conditional love, work, etc.–IT WON’T HELP! In fact, it can make the itch worse. It can and will leave you broken, battered, bruised and still itching!

I find comfort now that as long as the thing I desire is in God’s will, He will provide it. I can go to Him and get my fill of ‘antihistamines’ and ‘histamine-blockers’ for any situation or circumstance. Stop scratching those itches with poor imitations of the real thing! You can’t get a knockoff generic when Benadryl is proven to provide you relief! God is the relief you seek!

And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19 NLT

Long Overdue for a Testimony

Ever since my sis Kia (smile Kia!) decided to share her testimony for the whole world to see, I’ve fought long and hard with the urging to do the same. You see, I claim to value my privacy. I can’t really say its such a necessity anymore since God has chosen to use my life for His own purposes.

I came from a place of brokenness…I remember crying out to God my freshman year of college late at night to use my life, heal me, and to use me to save my family. I had endured a great many things prior to college, but God saw to bless me in the midst–providing a full ride to college and a not a single need in the world. During my junior year when I felt I was living my dreams–I had just become a Delta<3!–and then, I was diagnosed with Kidney Disease caused by Lupus Nephritis. I never received this diagnosis for myself and then it was changed because all of my tests had proved that I didn't have lupus. I'll never forget sitting on my hospital bed, crying and reading the Bible. But I'm thankful, because I received so much love, encouragement and prayers during this time. I'll never forget how my roommate Johnnetta and Alexis and Neichelle all came in my room and prayed for me. God made sure to send people to keep me company in the midst of loneliness, to keep me encouraged, and to keep me trusting and relying on Him in faith.

I adjusted to the changes, all the while trusting in God for my healing. I finished college and graduate school in 5 years–ON TIME, woot woot, taking 18 and 19 hours a few times–magna and summa cum laude while dealing with the throws of life. Yet there was still something left to happen…I got sick on my 23rd birthday, in excruciating pain while smiling and enjoying time with my friends before I left to move back to SC in 5 days. My health had rapidly declined, unknowingly to me from July to October and I found out October 14 that my kidney function had declined to 14%–so my doctor put me in for transplantation. Things happened pretty quickly after that, having my evaluation class on 10/20 and then my appointment with the new nephrologist on the 27th. I got a call before my doctor's appointment on the 27th that my evaluation appointment would be the next day. During this time, I grew weaker and weaker, sleeping nearly 12 hours everyday just to make it through a 8 hour day of work. Emotionally I was broken; I had prayed for my healing for years by this point and was just so opposed to having the transplant. But God!

My evaluation was 10/28, my mother and brother's evaluations as potential donors was 11/21, and my brother returned with me the next week to be finalized. I was cleared for transplant on December 6, less than 6 weeks after the evaluation. But I wasn't ready. I was deeply hurt because I felt like God had not heard my prayers…I thought about how unfair all of this was, to never have ever been sick a day of my life and to that point. But I prayed and asked God that if it was His will, that He make sure that I was covered. And right now as I type this, I am reminded of how God has always made provisions for me in every area of my life. I went on to have my transplant on January 7, 2009. And at that time, I had only 10% remaining kidney function, where if anything had happened to me, I could have died from kidney failure. Too much unfinished business He says…


A day after my surgery with my brother!

I thought that life would surely get better after that, being that I had a miraculous surgery with my brother’s kidney functioning within 30 minutes of being put in my body…

In 2009, I had a horrible relationship, I lost a dear cousin to sickle cell anemia, and I had to watch with my immediate family as my father succumbed to liver cancer in March 2010. During that time, my family and I experienced some of the most hurtful things at the hands of my extended family. And I thought, where are you God? He was still there…I was just too deep in my hurts to recognize it at the time. But still I recovered from it the only way I knew how, by praying and expecting God to answer.

Here it is now, 3 years post-transplant, almost 3 years after losing Timika, and 2 years after my daddy was called home, and I can say I know God still has His hands on me. I’ve experienced discrimination, harassment, lost love, stress breakouts (thank GOD that is mostly cleared up lol), severed relationships. I have cried oceans of tears…but I’ve still been so blessed.

–I have a beautiful god-daughter thanks to Shani that brightens my life!
–I have Parker who is loyal to lick away all my tears if I let him lol.
–At my 3rd year appointment this year, I found out that my brother’s kidney, that is still sustaining my life, was not a match for me…other than his being my brother. He got one set of DNA at birth, and I got another. But God!
–I have found and accepted my callings in life and its been a struggle, but I am at peace with how God is choosing to use me…a willing vessel. He’s opening doors of opportunity for me to do those things even now.
–I’ve had countless financial blessings and miracles: no major bills from my kidney transplant surgery being the most paramount of them all! A new car when I shouldn’t have been able to get one–divine provision!
–Even now…I’ve been accepted to school and received a grant to cover my full tuition and some books possibly and I have a job!
–I’ve been blessed with a great deal of friends and family that love me and support me as I seek to serve God with my life…ones that embrace and accept me as I am, and as I continue to change under His light.

2012 started so much better…as will all the rest!

My point for sharing is that it was long overdue…God has been showing me that my sufferings have been temporary** and that they are not for me, but to be used by Him so my life can encourage someone else. I’m not perfect as I love to say, I’m being perfected…He’s working me and kneading me on His wheel right now. Thank you all for your prayers and love and just accepting me and all that entails. God is rewarding my secret prayers, fasts, and giving with public blessing and I cannot take any credit for anything…other than learning to trust God at His word and that He will hold true to His promises. God loves you, He hears your prayers and most definitely answers them. Trust Him and seek that relationship, because His blessings, grace, favor and mercy await once you open the door…

Just how I feel about life right now!

To where I am now…looking up and leaping for joy at what’s next!