Sorry for the hiatus and I apologize for the spam!! I’ve changed all my email addresses. Be on the lookout for an update in Mid-December so you can see what’s next with my blog, ministry, and my life!
God bless! Love y’all
"Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it
Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it
Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it."
~Martin Luther King, Jr.
Debbie looked like your word.
Just that day for an idea what.
Please be there but before izumi.
|ZvQǏDÂUN3°®ϹφοΤȐWUeÉVΘZDEa7ȊΗè1BëSÔLÁ™÷Ϋ279 ZX⌈F87WȂÝãΞSrYjTÞ6w XaDP1SaЕzþÜNOFlǏOgΚSB7∠ þΑ⁄GÝa¸ĄãτyI5ÄçN9óqSeveral minutes later he cleared away.
Being so close your doctor said.
Tell the men were making her heart.
Maddie was out just because they.
People just what were making the seat.
Your hip was just because. Dick to wake you came inside.
Victor had been told me this. μ∴3 Ć Ƚ ĺ Ϲ Ҝ Η È Ȓ Е ÂQO
Instead he returned to try not over. Brian asked if this morning.
Come for their uncle terry.
Aside from under the silence terry.
Several hours of herself against his heart.
Where terry really do what.
Sounds like him an awful lot terry. Daddy and sat down on things.
|yl3AAj«MΝ87ĂÌRÈZQ05ȴFóLN∝ü”G·µ⌈ yBôĪFC∨N⊕ýRÇ6ÑÙЯŸùøΈ7ÖNӐT¢SSX5cÈr6ú 4f3Γ£W’v26!ÒO3Izzy madison needed was being so hard.
When izzy remained quiet voice that.
Great deal of course it meant. Nothing but if she would look.
Hold it might be safe and rest.
Most of them know where. Speaking of someone else besides you might. ÉPU Ĉ Ł Î Ͻ Ӄ Ҥ Ȩ Ŕ Ę Τ3g
Instead of relief when his sleep. Someone else besides you call it before. Ruthie looked so madison knew.
My life has been a whirlwind…literally lesson after lesson. Situation after situation. But alas, I’m still up…(I blame Insanity workout o_O) and I’ve been reading and praying and writing and did a video. Actually I’ve been doing a lot of videos lately…
Anyway, I’m here to share the link to those videos and also to this blog post I just read that blessed my spirit. It literally laid out everything that has happened in my life in regards to relationships in the last 5 years. I’m so grateful that God has me where I am finally able to heal from the remaining remnants once and for all to have a clean slate. Nonetheless, the post may be a blessing to you and so may the videos. Oh, be on the lookout for a new bible study series and more to come! With all that said, sweet dreams!
"Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it
Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it
Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it."
~Martin Luther King, Jr.
I pray this finds you in good spirits. In being obedient, I’m sharing my testimony with you all. Feel free to share it with whomever. I love y’all!
For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6
Good morning beautiful people! I hope you are having an amazing day so far. I’m home, sitting on my bed, being a bum, lol, before I go take care of some business. I read a devotion in this book "Draw the Circle;" I read "The Circle Maker," a book on prayer and also got the 40-day prayer challenge that goes along with it. The devotion spoke of the importance of journaling. I am an avid journaler, lol, and I have been writing in journals probably since I could write. Afterwards, I grabbed my new journal to write (new journal, new journey), but God pressed on my heart to grab my journal from the last two years and to look through it.
Looking back in this way allowed me to see how God has grown me. And one entry in particular has truly moved my heart. I’ll share some of it with you.
On February 6, 2012, I wrote this:
"I wish I could leave and go into a place where I could recover from this, but I know that is unrealistic."
At the time, I was still recovering from my daddy’s death, dealing with some betrayal, dealing with a broken heart and simply attempting to heal from all my past relationships. I was still in Charleston.
Funny that I looked back today, because God did just that in moving me here. He answered a prayer that seemed unrealistic to me by moving me to New Orleans and allowing me to begin law school. He provided finances to help with the cost of school. He put me in a cocoon, so to speak, because I have not had a serious relationship and have spent time building and nurturing my relationship with Him. He healed my heart, empowered me to forgive, and showed me the things that mattered most. He has made me comfortable in my own skin, no longer bound by the words of others or their opinions. He taught me to trust Him and that I can rest in Him. Granted, I still have more work to do, but God truly answered my prayer. And before I looked in my journal, I didn’t remember even asking God for that.
He has truly brought me full circle–from this year being so busy that I could not get sad on my daddy’s death anniversary but was instead joyful and cried tears of joy! He has moved me from a place of complete dependence on my job as a means of survival to being willing to quit and resting in Him for provision. I have not worked a full 80 hours since last year. He has been just moving and blessing me in such major ways that I can’t explain…It is all God. All Him.
I invite you to reflect on your life. Reflect on how God has grown you, moved you from one place to another (both literally and spiritually), and just give Him a shout of praise for the progression. If you have not yet experienced this in some area of your life, you will come full circle because God wants us to be better men and women! He wants to grow us and develop us. He wants to mature us and make us better for His use. He wants to stretch us and manifest His glory in our lives. If you haven’t kicked the bucket and are reading this, you obviously still have plenty of time!
He will also keep you firm to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Corinthians 1:8
Joseph, a young man of seventeen, was tending the flocks with his brothers, the sons of Bilhah and the sons of Zilpah, his father’s wives, and he brought their father a bad report about them. Now Israel loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made an ornate robe for him. When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him. Joseph had a dream, and when he told it to his brothers, they hated him all the more. He said to them, “Listen to this dream I had: We were binding sheaves of grain out in the field when suddenly my sheaf rose and stood upright, while your sheaves gathered around mine and bowed down to it.” His brothers said to him, “Do you intend to reign over us? Will you actually rule us?” And they hated him all the more because of his dream and what he had said. Then he had another dream, and he told it to his brothers. “Listen,” he said, “I had another dream, and this time the sun and moon and eleven stars were bowing down to me.” When he told his father as well as his brothers, his father rebuked him and said, “What is this dream you had? Will your mother and I and your brothers actually come and bow down to the ground before you?” His brothers were jealous of him, but his father kept the matter in mind.
Someday, like today for me, you will realize you have gotten to a point in your life where the moves that God has you making do not seem to make sense to others. And that’s okay, because your purpose is to trust and rest in God, fulfilling God’s will for your life. Today I was reminded of the stories of Joseph and Abraham as I realized that what God has me doing does not make sense to outsiders (this is the MAIN reason God had me learn to keep my mouth shut). I’m perfectly okay with it because I see how He has confirmed His word to me time and time again.
For some, it does not make sense to go back to the old office where I was thrown under the bus time after time, overlooked for my promotion, discriminated against, harassed and undervalued (hey it doesn’t make very much sense to me either lol hahaha). It does not make sense to stay in a technical job when I am in law school to ultimately change careers some day. It does not make sense to move back to South Carolina after I did everything I could to move to New Orleans. But that’s okay too.
I shared Joseph’s story first because he had to hold on to the dreams that God gave him even when his own family was jealous of him. Sometimes you will get to a point in your walk with God where you have to hold on to what He told/showed you even when others doubt and do not believe it. But Joseph experienced accusation and demotion–being accused of rape by Potiphar’s wife and thrown into prison after being sold into slavery by his own brothers. It was all part of God’s plan because at the right time, God elevated him to second in command only to Pharaoh! (see Genesis 41) The road may temporarily get lonely, but you are not crazy, keep your eyes on God and keep trusting Him.
Even more similar to my situation is Abraham’s own journey. In fact, before moving here, I taught bible study on Abraham’s great faith, and God has reminded me of it many times throughout my stay here. Genesis 12:1 states God’s decree to Abram (before God changed his name): The Lord had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you." Later in verse 4 Abram leaves for Canaan with the promise that God would make him a great nation among many other amazing blessings. He arrives, and takes the lesser land after he and his nephew Lot decide on splitting the land. Then in verse 10 Abram leaves– "Now there was a famine in the land, and Abram went down to Egypt to live there for a while because the famine was severe." To most it would seem crazy to uproot yourself and all your family and possessions from your family. But to leave the "promised land" is even crazier. Yet still, there was purpose in Abraham’s temporary departure. Abraham left Egypt more wealthy than he went!
In both of these radical faith situations, Joseph and Abraham had to be willing to trust God despite what others thought. It was their faith that paid off for them. God increased them at the appointed time and used the detours as part of the overall plan to elevate them to their destiny.
So I encourage myself today and I hope this blesses you…don’t give up when circumstances try to make you question the things God has revealed to you. Don’t give up when you are told you are confused or crazy. As long as it is God’s voice you are listening to, you will get to your promised land–whether it is actually a place, a person, or simply a place in Him.
The Lord said to Abram after Lot had parted from him, “Look around from where you are, to the north and south, to the east and west. All the land that you see I will give to you and your offspring forever. I will make your offspring like the dust of the earth, so that if anyone could count the dust, then your offspring could be counted. Go, walk through the length and breadth of the land, for I am giving it to you.”
I’m sharing this with y’all because he has an amazing testimony. This is my friend Marcus. He QUIT his job to follow his dream of connecting math with music. I honestly remember when he was thinking of going to grad school for a program that would connect his passions for math and music. Then last year he reached out to me and others to support him in this…I obeyed God and supported him because I saw God’s blessing on the vision he had. I had to see this as encouragement to myself because of my impending move and quitting my job…the uncertainty that awaits. It strengthened my faith because just like God used me and others to sow into him, He will do the same for me and for you. God will make a way and provide for you when you trust Him. So I wanted to pass it on. Don’t limit God, follow the dream He gave you–of course you must know Him and seek Him for the dream He has for you–because He will bless the dreams He has given you. It requires some radical faith–which apparently is only the size of a mustard seed, lol. You have to be willing to walk on water like Peter–keep your eyes on Jesus! Marcus quit his job at the end of May last year and went into this full time with only two schools, working the program alone. Now, his program has spread to 15 schools and he has a staff. Bottom line: don’t give up on your dreams, because as long as God ordained it and you keep Him first, its sure to manifest and be larger than you can imagine!!
David therefore sought God on behalf of the child. And David fasted and went in and lay all night on the ground. And the elders of his house stood beside him, to raise him from the ground, but he would not, nor did he eat food with them. On the seventh day the child died. And the servants of David were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they said, “Behold, while the child was yet alive, we spoke to him, and he did not listen to us. How then can we say to him the child is dead? He may do himself some harm.” 2 Samuel 12:16-18
Today is one of those truth moments y’all! I pray you are well and that you are remaining encouraged in this day and time!
When seasons change and the things we have prayed for manifest, we celebrate and shout! We look forward to the next prayer service, the next fast, or simply the next experience of God because He favored us with His answering of our prayer request in ways favorable to us.
But let’s be real, there are many times when the things we have prayed for don’t come into fruition. We pray and pray and that thing does not happen. We want it our way but God simply says no. Many refer to it as unanswered prayer, but I believe the absence of that thing is definitely God saying no. Whether God explicitly says no or denies you without what you think is a clear reply, what do you do in those situations?
If you look at David here, God had already told him that the child he and Bathsheba conceived in sin would die. He thought God would honor his fast and prayers and change his mind. David had gotten outside of God’s will and had sinned, and so there was a penalty here. Honestly, you will get a “no” from God when you have gotten off the appointed path He has planned for you and taken a detour on I Want It My Way Boulevard. You think that because He has said yes so many other times that this time will be just like the others…and when you don’t get what you have prayed for, you become bitter towards God. You get angry, you lose faith, and eventually you keep making additional detours, leading you further and further away from your destiny. Now, granted, a “no” is not to punish you, it just can mean that God has something better in mind. I’ve made my share of detours, but thank God for reeling me in and getting me back on track.
I’m going to share my testimony with a prayer answered no. So here goes.
For a few years now, I have known who I am supposed to marry. (Of course there is free will so this person may never step up, but I’m going to keep praying for him and trusting God for our appointed season…but that’s another devotion, another day lol.) Because things happened to cause me to give up waiting on him to come around, I have been dating others. One guy in particular had surfaced as my top choice and I was making plans in my head, like we women do lol. (Don’t you say you haven’t put his last name next to your first…I know you’re lying. Lol) I was thinking of telling him to consider that the distance will be shorter when I move and that I didn’t mind traveling to make it work with him. I had gotten so excited, because every time I saw him, he gave me everything I felt I wanted. So I prayed about him…well I did two things. First I prayed about all the guys I associated with, that God remove those who were not supposed to be there, and that I cut off any attachments preventing me from getting married. (Maybe this is a yes and NOT a “no,” lol) I also prayed about this guy…shocking to me, God was swift with that no, via a dream. The dream revealed that our relationship was to be solely platonic, and that I was actually to speak into and minister to him. I was supposed to lead him to the Word, a ‘new life’ in God, maybe even encourage a ministry to be birthed in him. I was not happy about that at all!! God threw salt all on the fire in my heart and threw a ocean wave on my plans lol.
I was all in my feelings about it too. I thought we would be perfect together and that we would have some pretty babies (yes I went there smh). Yeah, there were things that we had our differences on, but I had known him since college, so we had history. I pouted all last week about it, struggling with the fact that God did not have the same plans as me for me and this guy. To add insult to injury, God was crystal clear to remind me that the person He had previously revealed to me as my husband was, in fact, still going to be my husband (I’ll be honest, I still love him…but had settled for life without him in that role). Talk about feeling some type of way! I was really upset about it. I reached out to my prayer partners and had them all pray for me about it. I was really hoping God would change His mind, and let me have who I wanted or that I would get some peace with what I felt was a major loss. The spoiled brat behavior culminated last weekend when I made peace with the fact that God’s will was better than what I could plan or conjure up. I quickly got in line with His agenda and resumed prayers for my husband.
Much like David, I wanted things my way. I definitely did not go to David’s lengths of having Uriah killed to cover up his impregnating Bathsheba, but I prayed a senseless prayer when God had already spoken. (Now this is a distinction…yes God does have mercy–He had mercy on Hezekiah and gave him 15 extra years of life–but here and like David, I was outside of God’s will) I tried to convince God to change His mind to give me what I wanted, well who I wanted. I prayed about it, had been praying for him over the years off and on but God was clear that He had other plans.
I love this picture because I was her last week. I wanted who I wanted because I could not see how God could make the person He has revealed to me better for me. I couldn’t see it because my eyes were not looking from faith, but at past occurrences. Sometimes it isn’t always a “who”, but a thing, a lifestyle or a place that we want that is outside of God’s will.
Whenever you ask a question, and it is outside of God’s divine will for you, you always get a no. Don’t be stubborn and let that “no” lead you to rebellion–because you decide to do it anyway. Why, you ask? You will end up worse off than before. The beauty is that God’s grace and mercy are new every morning, so you can repent wholeheartedly and get back on track. BUT why get back on track, if you never leave His will? Don’t let a “no” set you back.
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11
So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. 1 Peter 1:6
I pray you are well and these words give you some encouragement. These last three months have been eventful to say the least. My time is nearing its end here in New Orleans and I’m grateful. I’ve learned the lessons (I hope) that I was supposed to learn, lightened my load and am leaving a lot behind here…physically, spiritually, and mentally. I’m grateful because God has kept me through it all.
I wanted to share this past Saturday how God has demonstrated His unfailing love for me time and time again, but especially in these months. This past Saturday was 4 years since my daddy went home to be with the Lord, and God kept me so busy with school and work that I could not get sad because I was alone. In fact, I was glad because my daddy wasn’t suffering anymore and how God has used it to heal me and my family. I was especially glad because God showed me that He wanted to hand-handle my healing process by keeping me alone. In that, I was able to press through the challenge of rewriting a significant part of that 30 page brief (in total 42 pages of blood, sweat, tears and a lack of sleep ) and also overcome my fear of speaking in front of others to give my oral argument. Focusing on that alone has kept me in a place that I had to trust God and overcome myself to get through. And all I could do is cry at the revelation of it.
I also now see that my medicines needed to be increased because of the great amount of physical stress I would be under from being sick and stressed with the demands of work and school. The more suppressed my immune system was, the less likely I would reject the kidney. I figured that out one day when I realized the effects all of this had on me. Stress and illness does the opposite. I wasn’t eating like I should, I wasn’t sleeping enough, and I was just worn down. I was sick a great portion of February, stressing out because I was sick and had gotten behind in the class that I had to write the brief and do the oral argument for…just plain tired and discouraged. Of course those medicines played a part in me being more susceptible to getting sick, but of course these things are sometimes counterintuitive.
So I had to learn to trust God in a new way…and like never before. I had to surrender to Him, and even now I’m having to surrender to some things I don’t particularly feel like doing or feel comfortable in doing. But its all for God’s glory. He showed me things about myself, mistakes I made in the past, that kept me from fully moving forward. And its beautiful because I feel like I’ve come full circle in such a short amount of time…now I can move forward and leave the baggage behind.
Well now I’m counting down, and the pressure has been on me these last few days to give up and question God because its out of my control. I’m in a place I have never been, and it honestly scared me. I’ll be quitting my job in May to move back to SC, and right now I don’t have anything to go back to. I don’t have an apartment located yet, I don’t have a job, and I haven’t been accepted to Charleston School of Law yet (haven’t submitted the application yet). I know I can’t doubt God because He has done too much for me. I was in a similar situation when I moved here, and He worked everything out that I had somewhere to go stay and worked it out that my job transferred me here.
I’ll admit, it has been rough at times here. Work issues took the cake, coupled with a difficult first year of law school, a mediocre first semester this second year (well mediocre to me), to now being told twice that I can’t come back to my job in Charleston. If you ask the faithless Marquita how she feels, she would say I’m losing it over here (lol). Yet, I’m not. I have my moments of fear rising, but they are quickly quelled by all the word of God in my heart. I see I had to spend the time teaching bible study before I left and my first year here so I could study the word for myself to teach others. Now I am relying on that same word to get me through.
God has His way of reassuring me, a whimsical way of leading me to the scriptures He wants me to see. Last mini testimony for this one, I promise. I was up watching movies on Saturday after hanging with my linesister (I love you Ashley!). So I watched The Wood, Being Mary Jane (the movie–I don’t watch TV so I decided I’d see what it was all about), and Turbo. After watching The Wood and seeing how Omar Epps’ character Mike still loved Alicia, I shed some tears for my own hopes of marriage some day. (I’m a self-professed crybaby so leave me be!) Then, in watching Being Mary Jane and her dissolute, hopeless story, I cried even more, having almost lost hope for a future of happiness with someone…because as life would paint it, successful black women don’t get married or they get taken advantage of in some way. Let’s not even approach the topic of women in ministry (tuh). I cried and wondered in my mind if that would be my fate. True enough, my family is no where like hers nor are my circumstances hers…so I know it was the enemy. Since I hate going to sleep sad, I decided to watch something else. I ended up watching Turbo. It was like God was speaking directly to me, showing me numbers (I checked the clock and randomly my account balances, don’t judge me, insomnia induced ADD) to get me to check certain scriptures…but I’m certain He had me watch that movie. Little Turbo the snail never gave up on his dreams, even when the person he loved the most discouraged him. So clear as day, I heard "don’t give up on your dreams. Keep your foundation in me. I love you. You will have those things that I promised you." Then I cried some more because I realized that the enemy was trying in whatever way he could to get me to doubt God. It also reminded me why I’m careful what I listen to and why I don’t watch TV–you have to protect your gates from the enemy!! But it encouraged me, that God would go to such a great length to reassure me. He even did the same for me yesterday with this stuff with work.
I guess I’m sharing all of this to encourage you. Don’t give up. Times may feel difficult right now, things may have you cornered, but God is still God. If He can be concerned about everything about little ole me, I know He has to love you the same. Luke 12:7– Why, even all the hairs on your head have been counted! Stop being afraid. You are worth more than a bunch of sparrows." So don’t give up! If God knows how many hairs we have–something so minute–He must be concerned with the greater issues we face. He is there, waiting for you to turn to Him and reach for Him. These things you are facing are temporary, and will soon end. Then you will celebrate. With that, I love you all. Be encouraged!
Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. Instead, be very glad–for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world. 1 Peter 4:12-13
Now the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ Jesus, will personally restore, establish, strengthen, and support you after you have suffered a little. 1 Peter 5:10